Happy Saturday, everyone!
Sorry I am a couple of days late with my Single Living post. Better late then never. 🙂
I loved the series Friends. In fact, 10 years after the season finale I still find myself laughing at the comic genius behind the show. My favorite episodes tend to be in the first couple of seasons when the show and the talent was still very fresh and refreshing. The other day I came upon the episode “The One Where Mr Heckles Dies” and in the midst of my laughing hysterically at Chandler’s fear of becoming “Crazy Snake Man” I noticed for the first time all the stereotypes of older single people portrayed in this episode.
Though the episode if full of laughs, the basic premise is actually quite heart wrenching. The the elderly and grumpy neighbor of the Friends gang, Mr. Heckles, passes away. With no apparent friends or family to do the job, the Friends clean out his apartment. In the process they discover who Mr. Heckles was beneath his gruff exterior and that in his youth he was funny, vibrant, and full of life. He was also very picky about the women he dated and remained single. Chandler sees an immediate connection between who Mr. Heckles was and who Chandler is in the present moment. Thus, the fear of becoming “Crazy Snake Man” is born.
Being alone or lonely is a fear for many people. Being single does not have to equal being lonely. None of us has to be “Crazy Snake Man” or “Crazy Cat Lady”. Married or single, each of us needs to be proactive to how we age and as much as possible, ( some things in our future will always be unforeseen) enter our senior years on our own terms.
So, from my observations of life here is are some tips to keep from becoming ” Crazy Snake Man” or “Crazy Cat Lady”.
- Realize that nothing is permanent and enjoy the present moment. Clinging to the past is often the cause of loneliness. Everything is constantly changing and evolving around us. With each loss comes the birth of something new. It is up to us to make the new circumstances in our lives amazing.
- Accept that people come and go from our lives. Some people stay for a long time, others for just a short while. All these relationships are precious. However, we need the wisdom and strength to let old relationships go and not cling to relationships that have run their course.
- Cultivate passions. Explore new hobbies, places, and ideas. An active, creative mind is always open to love and friendship.
- Meet new people. This is easy if you are cultivating your passions. New hobbies automatically brings you into contact with new people.
- Travel. Even if it is just to a nearby city or town for the day. Getting out into new and unfamiliar areas expands our horizons, heightens our senses, and increases our sense of adventure.
- Remember you have been loved. When you find your mind wandering back to a time in the past when you were extremely happy re-live the love and the joy of that moment instead fostering a sense of loss over days gone by.
- Flirt. OK, I know I said I have said in the past I don’t know how to flirt but it has been my observation that those who are good at it never seem to be at a loss for good company.
- Let go of the could have, should have , would have mentality. Your mom was right, “there is no use crying over spilled milk”. Embrace where you are now and move forward enjoying your life. Lessons learned make for a better tomorrow.
I hope you enjoy a wonderful weekend. As always, I would love to hear from you.
Thanks for stopping by the blog!
Until next time,
Hi Laura, these are great tips. For those who lament being alone right now reminding them nothing lasts forever and to have fun with the present is great advice. I chose to stay single, I enjoy my freedom too much to share my physical space. Not many understand why I would, they have bought into the message that we must be coupled to be happy. I have spoken with people from ages 20 to in their mid 50s who tell me they aren’t happy without a romantic relationship. I find that sad and what is even worse is that everyone who feels that way is a woman. Society has fed us the message it’s okay to be an eligible bachelor but not the old maid. Just those terms are enough to set women up from early on to believe they aren’t enough by themselves.
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Thank you for sharing. You are spot on with your observations about single women being brought up to believe they aren’t enough by themselves. I believe that one reason we have so many problems in our society is that women will choose to be with a man who is abusive, has addictions… rather than be alone. Generations of dysfunctional families are the result. I would love to teach women if they can be strong by themselves they will have so much more to offer a relationship then the could ever imagine and it could be on their terms as to how they and their children are treated.
Thanks again for your insights!