Happy Thursday, everyone! I hope your week has been treating you well 🙂

I have a theory. I believe when James Bond is not seducing women and saving the world, he mows his lawn, does his grocery shopping, and watches the History channel in his sweat pants and college t-shirt. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

The character of James Bond is a man of mystery. Ian Fleming never intended for us to imagine James with morning breath and bed head, or picture him fighting off a sinus infection while he deals with a broken water heater and leaky water pipes. Whether it is fictional characters with flawed personalities or reality TV, the trend these days is to bare it all to everyone. Personally, I like a little mystery. It makes life so much more interesting. I have been doing some reflecting of my own disclosures over the past  several years and was amazed at how frequently I share information about myself that is either of no benefit to anyone or keeps me from putting my best foot forward in my dealings with other people. Oops! My apologies to those I have given too much information to over the last decade or so.:)

When it comes to being single, creating an air of mystery can be to our benefit as well as being fun. Remember your first crush as a teenager?  You probably didn’t know that much about that person. Sure you knew their name, where they lived, and if they played any school  sports but what did you really know about their life?  Over time, when you found out their favorite color or the name of their dog it was rather like finding clues to a mystery and it kept you intrigued didn’t it?  It is the same way with our adult relationships as well. People really do enjoy discovering things about friends and loves over time. Whether you are looking for a romantic relationship, a new group of friends, or maintaining long-term relationships,  a little bit of speculation can go a long way in keeping relationships interesting, fresh, and fun.

We may disclose too much personal information for a variety of reasons. Maybe we think sharing details of our personal life will help us connect with other people. Maybe we like the attention of telling a story about wild weekend or workplace drama. Sometimes we feel the need to vent or frustrations or confess our transgressions to  a pair of sympathetic ears. Then there is social media, which beckons us to share every random thought we have as often as possible. ( Guilty as charged!)  When we share too much with other people we wear them down by adding all of our random thoughts, opinions, concerns to theirs as well as taking away the fun of them discovering things about us as time goes on . Of course, we need our close friends and family to confide in from time to time but most people will avoid contact with those who share too much information about their thoughts, opinions, and personal lives. It is too much extra burden and stress to carry around.

There are ways to avoid disclosing too much information about ourselves and creating an air of mystery that encourages people to want to get to know us better.

Ways to create an air of mystery:

• Be a good listener but don’t always rush to offer an opinion or advice.
• Stay away from gossip.
• Resist the urge to vent your problems to coworkers and other acquaintances.
• Avoid becoming involved in topics about religion and politics. Be informed and as active as you like but do not be the person who  rants on Facebook or in the break room.
• When people ask you how you are doing respond with upbeat pleasantries but do not bog them down with the details of your life.
• Avoid discussing health, money, and relationships with all but those who are closest confidants. Even with those close to you use discretion.
• Tell interesting tidbits about your weekend or holiday but leave some details to the listener’s imagination.
• Reveal enough interesting facts about your hobbies and talents that people find you interesting but not enough that they feel they know everything about you.
• Dress up and look nice. Keep grooming habits private.
• When people ask personal questions give them a coy smile and politely change the subject.

Creating an air of mystery can be fun when flirting, dating, or meeting new people.  It also naturally lends to good manners and the ability to maintain relationships that have already been established.

I know I have my work cut out for me as I try to be a little more mysterious. How about you? How much do you share with your friends and acquaintances?  Would you like to be a little more mysterious? I would love to hear from you!

Until next time,

Laura